I am feeling very regretful today.

I wish that I didn't feel such strong emotions about things sometimes.
I let little things bother me.

Like the fact I've gained a few pounds and other such things.

Its not so much the pounds but the fact that my body isn't in the shape I wish it was and that leaves me thinking I'm "fat" when I'm really not.
I know I'm out of shape and a little flabby.
But I've been in and out of ED cycles and still don't know my hunger cues.

I really want to ask my parents to let me see the counselor again but then they'll worry and we don't have the money either.

I don't know what to do. You can't talk to someone who hasn't had an ED about and ED because they'll never understand. And its not something I want to talk to anyone about really.

I just want to be happier and I can't figure out how to achieve that.